I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
