I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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