I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
