This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
whose parrot is this?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize