im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
