I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
