He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No subtext here. People are naked.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
