He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
