Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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