Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
