I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
