i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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