I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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