You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Did I show you my penis last night?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
