im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
