i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
