Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
