I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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