I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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