Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
