I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
