did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Everything about him screamed your future.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
