At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
