No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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