The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
