I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
