I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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