So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
