I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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