I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
