So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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