She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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