Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
