He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
