my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize