Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
