no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It was confusing and full of hummus
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
