It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
