Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
