I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
