with your own penis?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
