i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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