what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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