somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
FUCK WHALES
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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