Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
