Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
