You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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