the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize