I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I need moral support for this bender
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
3 2 1 whiskey
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
