this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
