Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
