She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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