How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
