I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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