She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize