somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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