Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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