I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
