she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
