I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
