he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My dad is sitting where you rode me
that is very illegal...i love you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
