Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
