They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
