don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
