I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize